A Modest Proposal


Global Warming, Middle East tensions, and Renewable Energy are arguably the more important issues of the 21st Century. Many factors contribute to the problems, but all of them are partially originate from a single variable- the automobile. It is surely the culprit: spewing carbon as it burns unclean energy and gobbling up the Middle Eastern, non-renewable fossil fuel.

Look around: three cars parked in your garage, trucks whizzing by on the highway, the uber app on your phone. Cars are such a hassle to not only the environment, but also to your wallet! $25,000 comes out of your pocket for an automobile in this day and age, and you need to feed this baby $2.60 a gallon every month. Not to mention thousands of dollars toward the common breakdowns, oil changes, tire replacements, and ACCIDENTS. Thousands of Americans die every year from car accidents and millions more are injured (Road Crash Statistics). These unwieldy beasts are weapons of death- an untamed rhinoceros.  

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. Automobiles should be replaced by a cleaner and safer mode of transportation- horses.

Mankind had been dependent on horses since the ancient times- the Greeks considered it a gift from Poseidon. For almost 2,000 years, man achieved greatness with horses; cavalries tipped the scales of victories and Paul Revere rode fast enough to alert everyone. Horses, reaching top speeds upwards to 25-30 mph, are a much safer option compared to a car. DUIs and falling asleep at the wheel will no more kill innocents: well-trained horses take their intoxicated or tired passengers safely to their residence.

Running on hay and water, the only wastes it produces are biodegradable fecal matter. The use of fossil fuels will significantly reduce. In effect, OPEC will trouble us no more- gasoline is irrelevant. The greatest gain of all is that horses bear offspring- the transportation lasts for time to come. Breed your horse with a neighbor and voila! a horse for your teenager. The economic gain is exponential- you can even sell the foal for monetary gain. Purchasing a horse will only set you back about $500-$1,000, plus maintenance costs of about $2,500 (American Association of Equine Practitioners).

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work.


~~
*Based on A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 4, 2018 at 2:47 PM

    Nice post Wonyoung! The way you took A Modest Proposal and incorporated it into your own version was really great. The way you added statistics really made it seem like, although ridiculous, this was a viable option.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMarch 4, 2018 at 3:29 PM

    Wonnie, I completely agree with you. Horses are the best option for us in the future, and I firmly stand behind your position. All jokes aside, this was a great adaptation of "A Modest Proposal." I really loved how you utilized the way in which Swift delivers his proposal. Great Job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownMarch 4, 2018 at 3:30 PM

    Wow! This parody of A Modest Proposal is perfect. I loved the calculations and the Poseidon reference :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. dominic.marra8March 4, 2018 at 3:38 PM

    Nice post you got here boss. I like the irony of the clean horses when they definitely would have the streets be dirty real quick.

    ReplyDelete

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