Eating Environment; Sports Venues
Any decent-sized sports venue offers a variety of
concessions and meals- popcorn, soft drinks, beer, pizza, hot dogs, burgers,
gyros, churros, cotton candy, etc. The moment you enter through the gates, it’s
an eatery Palace of Versailles. Rows and rows filled with burger places, pizza
places1, popcorn places- you name it, they have it. However good the
variety is, the food experience at these venues are collectively horrific; the
waves of spectators all crowding a tiny Little Caesars, trying to get a slice
before the end of halftime2. The average wait time approximately
15-45 minutes depending if the game is close or a blowout3. After
the exhausting wait to order, you pay $25.32 for a slice of pizza, drink, and
popcorn. You pay the ridiculous price because that is the only option for food4.
After another 30 minutes5 waiting for your food in the crowded sea
of bathroomgoers, you finally get your reheated frozen pizza. Now you go back through
the dreaded labyrinth to find section A-304. After a breath of relief, you go
to take that ever-so-anticipated first bite out of your greasy, treasured
pizza. Then, a foul ball wipes out everything in your hands6.
1By burger places I mean the true American McDonalds
because where haven’t you seen those golden arches for crying out loud. And living
in Southeast Michigan, these pizza places are almost always a Little Caesars.
2See fn 1.
3There are actually more factors accounting for
the wait time of these venues. If you go during halftime, you can almost expect
to wait the full 45 minutes- whereas if you go during playing time, the time starts
to vary depending on the entertainment level of the game (Boring game=30 mins, exciting
game=15 mins). Also, if the game is on a holiday (ex. Thanksgiving football
game, the Fourth of July baseball game) or of importance (ex. World Series,
Michigan vs. Ohio State) the interval increases to something more like 30-60 mins.
4Okay, this is a whole different can of worms.
Like seriously, I already paid $47 for my upper deck seats (bought at a
discount, by the way, on StubHub- original price $52), and they want to rob
even more money?
5This also varies- see fn 3.
6Hey… but at least you got your son a foul ball,
right?

WONNIE!! YESSS!!! I loved how you incorporated footnotes like DFW did in “Consider the Lobster.” This was funny, entertaining, and crazyyyy accurate. Also, the ending!! HAHAHA! great job, dude :)
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