There's NO WAY That Climate Change Is Real!
Greetings, I am Dr. Cole Greenehaus reporting my extensive
environmental studies to you. My many years of research has provided me enough evidence
to make this claim: climate change is NOT REAL. In this society of “radical subjectivism”
you must not believe ANYTHING someone tells you, but you should trust me. My
argument is supported by many credible politicians like Donald Trump, who also
wisely decided to cancel the United States from the global climate agreement a
few months ago. The world was shocked at the bold move by the United States,
but climate change isn’t real. It was just a big waste of money, and we as a
nation should focus the funds to much more important matters like repealing Net
Neutrality and spending months on end discussing to replace an Universal
Healthcare which is still under the works folks. Important decisions like this,
to replace a fully functioning healthcare plan with a virtually same one, takes
YEARS to do.
Anyway, back to climate change. There is ZERO gathered
evidence that there are changes in weather patterns. It still snows in Colorado.
It’s still hot in Arizona. I mean it snows in Texas and breaks 120 degrees in
Las Vegas, but that happens sometimes. There’s no physical evidence that the world
is warming up. Okay, the average temperatures are rising, and there appears to
be a direct relationship between carbon emission and temperature increase, we
are solving that issue by using a whole 10 PERCENT of renewable energy to power
our country. Even though we use 85 PERCENT non-renewable, it is significant
enough to make a difference.
Talking about global warming and rising water levels and sinking
islands and mass evacuations is boring, so let’s move on to the increasing
natural disasters. The increased hurricanes in recent years like Maria, which crippled
Puerto Rico (They still don’t have power), is completely normal and by chance. The
increasing temperatures mentioned before has NO CORRELATION with these hurricanes
that love the humid, warm conditions. The wildfires in California aren’t a
worry as well. The California “drought” that it has been going through is
questionable. There’s a giant ocean right next to the whole state! If there HAS
been a drought and the wildfires HAVE been increasing, then we still don’t have
to worry because we humans are smart enough to make water towers and import
bottled water. The ecosystems and animals burned down by the wildfires? Oh
well, they’ll survive somehow.


Great post Wonyoung! First off, wanted to say that these pictures are really sad. But also, you did an excellent job incorporating sarcasm and satire into your blog post like the articles we read during class. Wonderful post!
ReplyDeleteDr. Greenehaus, I must say that you make some very compelling points. I have to say that you swayed me believe that global warming isn't real at all. Anyways, great post Wonyoung! You expertly used sarcasm and satire to sound exactly like authors working for The Onion.
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